Time waster

As one sits at his computer and attempts to write a blog to update the world (or maybe just the three people who read his blog,) thoughts take their toll on his young mind. So much to do, so little time. In a few weeks I will turn the milestone, and become 21. The issue here is that I will be turning 21 in a dry country where you are ordered by the military not to drink. Dry counties are cool, just drive across county line. But dry countries? What the hell is wrong with you guys??? Next up we have the $900 to pull four teeth bill coming up. It is one of those things were you just have to grin and bear it. You don't want to do it, but you know sooner or later you are going to have to, so just get it out of the way... I received a phone call the other day telling me I needed to do paperwork that was due five days ago, so I have been busting my ass trying to get that done. Tracking these people down and getting the information from them is not an easy task. Next, I have good news, and that is the fact that I am short timed. That is an army term meaning that I am about to GTFOH, which is another army term that I will translate on a case by case basis upon request. A ballpark figure is something around three months, which is a relatively short time, considering I have been overseas for 15 months now, and on active duty orders for over 18, I shall be excited to come home. I have submitted an active duty packet and hope that gets approved. If it is, I shall be off again as soon as I come home. Hopefully they will give me a little down time before I deploy again, but we all know it is part of the job... This was really a rant session and not anything of substance, and I apologize for making you waste your time and reading it. Until next time...

Waxing Philosophical

So lately, I have been looking back and reflecting upon the choices in my life. Are they true to myself as well as true to others? Remaining true to oneself is the single most important thing that you can ever do. You can lie to others as much as you want, but the minute you begin lying to yourself you have just set yourself down a road which there is no turning back. I guess after that statement I should stop telling myself I am sexy... Dang it... Alas, I digress and need to get back to the actual subject. I have noticed that over the past two years in a combat zone that my typing skills have greatly improved. I guess wars cannot go on without cooks who can type and do admin jobs. I digress yet once more. Have I been true to myself in all my choices, telling myself that my decisions in life have been the correct ones? It seems as if everyday things come to light that make me believe I have been misleading myself, trying to make everything seem as if it is ok, when in reality it isn't. I realize that there isn't much I can do with all of this stuff whilst being 8000 miles away, but it still does nothing to help the absolute sense of helplesness. My mothers water heater went out, and I offered to get her a new one, but she is too stubborn, too resilient to be offered a handout and accept it. That is not the true issue at hand, but it is one of the smaller issues that compound and seem to make the larger issue worse. The world is spinning out of control and I don't know how to fix it. Maybe I never did, but at least once I thought I did. All of those false imaginings are now gone and I see the world for what it is. Something that I have no control over. We cannot correct the choices we have made in life, we can only try to make better ones in the future. Am I going to make a better choice off of the lessons I have learned? History shows us that most likely, the answer is no. History seems to have a way of repeating itself with consequences that reach far beyond anything we might be able to imagine. The impact of man on the world amazes me, as we have become a civilization who at one time revered the earth, for it was the provider of life and sustainment, but now it appears to be an object of disdain. I am learning more and more life lessons everyday, but my question is will my next decision be the right one? What if it isn't? What happens next?

Stroll Down Memory Lane

I took a stoll down memory lane last night. As I was trying to fall asleep, a song by AFI came on. The song was a live rendition of "God Called in Sick Today." An excellent song, it brought back some rather fond memories. Mikka, my first girlfriend, introduced them to me. One day while we were hanging out, my parents decided it would be cool to go to some crazy restaraunt in Oklahoma. It was about an hour and a half drive, and Mikka had just gotten a new AFI CD and was wanting me to take a listen to them. We listened to them on the drive down, and I became fond of a few of their songs. It just took me back to the choices that I have made in life, and wonder if they have been the right ones. In retrospect, I feel that they have been correct. Even if they haven't been, I have no control over the choices I have already made. They are what they are, and I have to make the best of them. I dated Mikka for about nine months or so, and ended up breaking up with her to go out with Jennifer. I realize now that I broke up with her for all the wrong reasons, but realize now that it was probably one of my better choices in life. I broke up with Jennifer to go out with Melony, who is now the love of my life, and also my wife. Anyways, back to Mikka. Mikka's mother, Nickla, is a wonderful lady, and I still am very close to her and the rest of the family. I called Nic last night on a whim, and for once she actually answered. We talked about some of the memories that the song brought up, and we were talking about some of our memories. The music flooded me with memories and thoughts that I did not know that it would do. The memories were very mixed, with sadness and happiness. I am not sure that I loved Mikka, but I do know that at the time I loved her as much as a sixteen year old could love anyone. Nic made the comment that I was a peach and that she would give anything she had to have two just like me, one for each of her daughters. I realize that had I stayed with Mikka, I would not be where I am today, in the military and chasing dreams that I have had for as long as I can remember. When I was six, I told my parents I wanted to be a firefighter. I have always wanted to serve and help others, and I fell that I am doing that now. Mikka was always fun to hang out with, and we could talk for hours and never run out of things to talk about. Melony is the same way. When we started dating, we would talk for hours on the phone, and we are still that way. We average about 3000 minutes a month, so we are definately chatterboxes. I realize that even the smallest things can trigger memories, some fond, others not so fond. Until next time...

Music

So, I am currently listening to "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley. Strange thought, I don't think I have any studio recordings of Jeff Buckley. Anyone else have that problem? After reading a "friend's" blog, I decided I would write about music and how integral a part of my life it is. I have over 240GB of music, and if anyone knows how much that is, you know I have a lot of music. I have about 80GB on my Zune and that is over 16,000 songs, so mutliply that by 3, about 50,000 songs, give or take a few 1000... Music has always been a coping mechanism for as long as I can remember, from living with Barbara and listening to music as I fell asleep. To this day, I still have issues falling asleep without listening to music. It has a calming influence on me, I am not sure why, but I feel that it has something to do with my "comfort zone." So, I listen to all kinds of stuff, from Alabama to ZZ Top, you name it, I probably have it. I am relatively certain it drives my wife crazy, as I begged her for six months to let me get a system in the truck. Now, she wants to upgrade it! I love her so much... I still need to get a radio or something in our room so I can drive her crazy listening to music as I fall asleep. Anyways, I find that as Eminem says, music can alter moods. It also goes on to say "can it load a gun and cock it, too?" I do not feel that music or anything else can make people go out and shoot other people. I am sick and tired of parents saying that their kid went out and shot someone because they played too much Resident Evil as a kid. I played it, and I have never shot someone just because I played the game. People bitching about sex and violence on TV makes me sick, too. If you don't like it, watch something else. Quit complaining about stuff you have control over. While you are at it, stop complaining about the stuff you can't change, too. Let life roll as it is. I digress, however. Music has been something that can change my mood from depressed to happy, happy to sad, sad to thoughtful. It all depends on what I wish to mull my head on at the time. My favorite band, Counting Crows, is one of the most amazing bands I have ever heard. Adam Duritz, the lead singer, has the most soulful, deppressing, uplifting, and thoughtful voice I have ever heard. I think you should check them out. Amazing band. Music can touch you in ways you have never thought possible. Maybe you should listen to some more music...

Dogs

So, I currently have a Chihuahua, and in the same household we have a English Bulldog and a mutt. All females, so my house is overran by females. Four women, three female dogs, and myself. Boy, am I in trouble when I get home. So, currently at the pet store, they have an Akita on sale for $400... I want it so there will be another male in the house. Few problems here... House is already full, with small dogs and women. Second problem- Akitas are big dogs, about the size of a husky, same characteristics and whatnot of a husky. Third- Akitas are very intelligient dogs, so something tells me I would go play fetch with the dog and somehow the Akita would make me look like an idiot. Third problem- Janelle won't let me get another dog... Dang it... So, this blog is for you Janelle, in the hopes you change your mind. Tara is very well trained, cleaning the boogers out of your nose, the wax out of your ear, and just generally licking you... So, you should let me get an Akita so I can train it to wash the laundry, vacuum, sweep and mop the kitchen, and make dinner. Would that not make life entirely easier for you? Just think, if you had a smart dog in the house the things it could do for you. Maybe even train it to mow the lawn when I am not home... Which is most of the time... Please...