Saying Goodbye

How do you say goodbye to those you love, those you care about? Saying goodbye is one of the hardest things we can do. I have had to bid fair adieu to far too many people whom I have loved and cared for. Putting on a false face of bravery when looking forward into the unknown is one of the most difficult things one can do. Alas, I have perfected the art. Hoping that he doesn’t spy the tears beginning to brim; hoping that she doesn’t see through your falsities; hoping that they do not question your strength, that they do not question your courage, your bravery. When saying goodbye there is always the lingering question that no one wishes to ask, will you return as you leave me. Will it be in a wooden box while you are dressed up in your Greens, looking pristine, with a soldier handing your wife a flag “on behalf of a grateful nation.” These fears are always present. I do not fear for my own death, as there is no greater calling than mine. I fear that my family will be lost without me, that they may not be able to be whole again. I have made many great friends over the years, some I will see again, but most that I will not. Day, Keener, Caldwell, Pettit, the list could go on forever. Saying goodbye to them has never been easy. I have been having weekly meetings with one of the Chaplains here on post, and tonight was our last get together. As the evening wound down, I began to reflect, to relive the goodbyes to my wife, my father, my mother, my family and friends. They have never been easy, and they will never get any easier. The knowledge that you may never see them again is a heavy burden to carry, so we all put on our masquerades, some with humor and others with solemnity. No matter the mask that one puts over it, down deep, the pain is still there. It always has been and always will be. The pain may fade, but in times of weakness, they creep to the top of your mind. These times are necessary, as they allow time to contemplate those you truly love and care for, and remind you that what you do is honorable, that there is nobility in your suffering. Chaplain G, you are a gentleman and a scholar, and have impacted my life in ways that you may never truly realize. It has been a privilege knowing you. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.